And then, even more importantly, let me remember the choice I make as I move through the day. It is so easy to wake in the morning and say that I am going to be loving and kind, the true challenge comes in later when things aren’t going quite the way I expected and I find myself feeling frustrated or upset. That is when things go haywire and when I really need to remember this choice so I can respond calmly to all situations and with kindness in my heart, not anger.

I once had a job where I had to make collection calls to people. These were difficult and often uncomfortable conversations with people who really didn’t want to be talking to me. I put signs up around my desk reminding me to “breathe” and “smile”. Surrounding my workspace with those positive messages helped me remain calm and find ways to communicate more easily to resolve issues.

What signs would help me through the day as a CarePartner? I do have a copy of the Caregiver Ten Commandments hanging over my desk that was put together by a group called Elder Care at Home. It reminds me that I don’t need to be perfect or feel bad when I need to take time for myself. The sign I don’t have but need to see regularly is “it’s the illness, not the person” to remind me to direct my feelings of anger and frustration at PD and not my husband. Other sayings that I need to add are “don’t try to do it all” and “remember what matters most” to remind me to prioritize my tasks and my day to provide the best care for both of us.

Our home is filled with symbols of our love and those are the things that direct my actions throughout the day. There are pictures of family and past travels, photos from our wedding and silly gifts we have given each other. I am constantly reminded of the love we share and the message is clear- I need to make the choice to be calm, patient, and kind because he would be if I were the one with the disease. I will be conscious of the choices I make with my words and actions, and do my best to always make them with positive motivation and love.

Find your own copy of Caregiver Ten Commandments at www.ElderCareatHome.org.