I think we all try to do more than we can and it often leads to failure or defeat. And then, I beat myself up for not being more capable asking “why can’t I do it all”? The better question might be “why should I do it all”?

When we started on this PD journey more than a decade ago, my husband was still taking care of the yard and helping with the chores including cooking and cleaning; he and I were partners in all it took to run our household. As his disease progressed, it became more and more difficult for him to do many of the tasks and so I started filling in the blanks. He shouldn’t be on ladders so I cleaned the gutters. His dexterity diminished so I became the one who did many of the smaller home repairs. Yard work became too challenging and I found myself cutting, watering and maintaining our lawns. I didn’t want him to stress about the things not being done so I tried to do them all before he noticed. It was wearing me out.

In my desire to be the perfect CarePartner, I put so much on myself that I wasn’t here for him because I was too busy or too tired. When I accepted that I am not able to do the work of two people and be responsive to the needs of either of us, I was able to drill down to the true value of being a CarePartner. I am learning to prioritize tasks and ask for help when it is needed and I am looking first to what is important, not simply what is there. The lawns may be a bit shaggy but if my husband has a smile on his face, then that is what matters most.