Beyond accepting this concept, I think that we CarePartners may find that it is essential to embrace it. Understand that if you don’t take care of all your needs, physical, emotional, spiritual, you can’t be here totally for someone else. Taking time for you might feel selfish, but it is more selfish to ignore your needs and try to be the “saint” selflessly caring for your partner.

Attempting to be the ultimate caregiver is an easy trap to fall into. I see my husband struggling with something and I immediately step up to help. Then, the next time we are in the situation, I am there quicker and before you know it, I am doing whatever it was for him instead of letting him work it out on his own. The more I do for him, the less time I have to do for myself. If I stay busy enough caring for him, I don’t have time to make that doctor or dentist or vision appointment that I need but don’t really want. And, honestly, I am taking away his independence and limiting his capacity when I take over all the responsibilities.

His health is dependent on my health, I get it. If I don’t take the time now to see my own care team, there is the chance that I am overlooking something that would mean that I am not going to be here to care for him anyway. And, my mental health is just as important. I need to take those timeouts to relieve stress and alleviate burnout. My goal should be to care for him as a Partner, not a giver, and to work together to promote healthful lifestyles for both of us that will allow us many more wonderful years together.