Living with someone with a chronic illness can mean that you walk on eggshells all the time afraid to upset them or your delicate home balance because, after all, they are sick and not responsible for their actions, right? Wrong. My loving husband occasionally did boneheaded things before he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease and that hasn’t changed. I still get frustrated with him, not with his disease, at times and need to let him know.

If we are going to have a healthy relationship, we need to be able to disagree and, yes, even argue at times to clear the air and move on. I need to be sure that whatever he has done is something he has control over. It is not okay for me to get angry at him because it takes him longer to dress and makes us late unless he has intentionally stalled. It is not okay for me to be upset with him when his tremor causes a spill or a mess unless I have asked him to wait and let me help. It is perfectly okay for me to be angry at him when he does things he knows he shouldn’t, especially those that could be dangerous for him.  

It is a fine line learning how to maintain a positive and respectful relationship when dealing with an illness like PD that can change your partner both physically and mentally. My litmus test for whether I should be angry at him or not is whether what he has done is something he might have done before. If the answer is yes, then we start with “what on earth were you thinking?” If this is not something he would have done before, I assume Parkinson’s is to blame and then we can be angry at the disease together.