When we first found out that my husband had Parkinson’s Disease, I went through a lot of confusing feelings. At first I was shocked, even though he had a tremor I never expected this diagnosis. I was scared of what this might mean and unsure about what we should do next. I was angry. My father had Parkinson’s, why does my husband have to have it too? Why him, why us, why me? I tried to be strong for him and not let it show, but it was a difficult and emotional time.

Now, more than a decade into this journey, I can honestly say that our life with PD has not been anything like I anticipated. He has his good days and his bad days and so do we. Some of our duties have shifted between us and there are things we just don’t or can’t do anymore. It has been okay. So, why am I still struggling with feelings of guilt that he has this disease and not me?

Perhaps my guilt lies in the things I can do that he can’t do anymore or maybe it’s the things we used to do together but can’t anymore that make me feel this way. What I need to remember is that he has the disease, not me. I did not give Parkinson’s Disease to him nor can I take it away. I need to continue living life as fully as I can for myself and encouraging him to do the same. Any feelings of guilt are a distraction to the feelings of thankfulness that I should be having, thankfulness that we are still together and still moving ahead.