Actually, I wanted to say that those moments when you are truly on your own may be the only thing that stands between you and the craziness of being a CarePartner, but felt that was perhaps only true for me. Let me explain…

When I am with my husband, no matter what we are doing or where we are, I find that I am looking out for him. I try to access situations that might be difficult and make it easier. I am constantly on guard. Where does this hyper-vigilance come from? Is it a necessary component of my journey as I try to provide care and support for my husband? Or, as I suspect, is it just adding a layer of anxiety to my life that doesn’t really help anyone?

I don’t sleep well, haven’t for years, but it means that I am often roaming the house in the middle of the night. What I have discovered is that during those late-night hours while my husband is sleeping soundly, I am finally at ease. I can escape from the daily concerns of being a CarePartner and let it all go. It has become the silver lining to my insomnia cloud.

I recognize my need to bring more opportunities to let things go into our daily lives. I am as responsible as my husband for this co-dependent lifestyle and am working on going places without him, even if it is just to the store. There may be a time when I cannot leave him alone, I need to make sure that I am setting a precedent now so I can find a solution then.