He may not be perceiving things in the same way I am and may feel my help is intrusive. He may not want to accept help with a task because it is embarrassing for him or too personal. I may be doing things that make the task more difficult for him, not easier. There are a ton of reasons why my husband may not want my help with something and I need to be able to accept that and let him be.

I am his wife, his lover, and he didn’t marry me for my nursing skills. I am not a personal hygiene aid, a nail technician or personal assistant, yet I am constantly being put into those roles as his CarePartner. I have become a taxi driver, a dietician, and even a critical care nurse without any training at all. These are not things that I expected to do and it is no wonder that my husband may not want me doing them for him. It has the potential to change the dynamic in our relationship and neither of us want that.

So, I do what I can for him while respecting his wishes and trying to protect his dignity. If possible, I wait until he asks for my help on personal matters rather than offering it. We both need to accept that at some point someone else will be coming into our home to provide help. In the meantime, there may be things that happen that make both of us uncomfortable, we will just have to work through those as best we can.