Sometimes I think that my husband overthinks things. He tries too hard and makes tasks even more difficult. A great example is when he tries to use walking poles. He tells me that he cannot coordinate his arms with his legs which makes using the poles almost impossible. I watch him walking without them and his arms swing just as they should. My conclusion is that he is trying too hard to control the arm swing, overthinking it, and not allowing his body to move naturally.

How can I help him let go when I see him struggling? It’s probably not going to do any good to tell him to stop thinking so hard, he isn’t necessarily in control of his thought processes. What seems to work is to simply stop trying. If we are working on a new task or skill, put it away and leave it for another day. Then, later we can talk about what happened and perhaps try a different approach. If possible, I try to link what he is attempting to do to something he already does. In the example above, it is easy to connect the dots between swinging his arms when he walks and carrying the sticks as he does the same.

My husband struggles daily with things I can only imagine. I don’t want to add to his load by pushing him into things that I think he should be doing. And yes, that applies even if it is learning something that I think will help him in the long run. I need to remember that he is the one who drives the car on this journey, I am just along for the ride, and no one likes a back seat driver.