I am borrowing the term “helicopter” from parenting classes I used to teach, but it certainly seems appropriate when I think about my behaviors at times. I mentioned recently that I often try to be a buffer between my husband and the world, a great example of my tendency to be overly protective. PD can be isolating; my husband needs opportunities to interact with others and I should not be standing in his way no matter how good my intentions.

We exercise together. I tell myself that I need to be there for safety reasons yet am constantly overstepping as I push him to work harder or correct his moves. I speak with his coach, presumably on his behalf, but really just to assert my presence as his partner. I attend all appointments, and that is necessary, but I also hear myself speaking for him and have to remind myself to shut up and let him talk.

I find that it is a delicate balance between having an awareness of my husband’s challenges and trying to eliminate them. It isn’t helpful when I intervene without considering his primary need for self-sufficiency. My hovering can be another challenge for him to overcome instead of support as he tries to engage in his daily life. There will be times when it’s easier and quicker for me to step in, but is it really the right choice? I don’t have a license for this helicopter, perhaps I should land and let him take control.