I like to talk things through. I can process better by verbalizing a problem and then brainstorming solutions to it. My husband has a very different method for problem solving. He analyzes the situation quietly and then moves forward. When I find him deep in thought, I can’t help myself, I like to make suggestions. I try not to be upset when he chooses to go in a totally different direction. What works for me is not necessarily going to work for him. I am not here to fix his issues; I am here to support him in finding a way to face them.

My husband grew up wearing button shirts. He was required to wear them in his work and they became his constant. The only variance was short sleeves in the summer. Parkinson’s made it difficult for him to deal with the tucked shirt and undershirts. I offered to help and suggested that we shorten the undershirts or that he not worry about tucking the shirts in. These options didn’t work for him, instead he asked me to take him to the store where we bought half a dozen sweatshirts. The button shirts hang in the closet and he has found a new “look”.

Stepping back is not always easy for me. I want to make life easier for my husband but in making it easier I need to make sure I am not interfering with his independence. His choice to switch to sweatshirts allows him to continue dressing himself in the mornings which is important to him. The option I offered could have taken that away and PD has already taken enough from him. Support means loving and respecting him enough to let go and let him figure things out. And I’ll be here if, and when, he asks for help.