It’s difficult to be positive when I see what this disease has done to my husband and to our relationship. Intimacy is challenging, lines of communication are tangled, roles are muddied. There is the knowledge that many changes are still to come. The uncertainty of where it will lead, what will be asked of me. It can seem impossible to find anything to be grateful for.

Add to that the shame I feel in those moments, shame that I am not stronger and more able to see the positive sides of this illness. I should be thankful that my husband is still with me, several of my friends are now widows. I should be thankful for the lifestyle I lead, while it is not what I expected in retirement, I am comfortable and my basic needs are well met. I should feel gratitude upon waking each morning just to see the new day ahead rather than wondering what new challenges are coming my way.

I am lucky in that the symptoms my husband’s illness has developed are manageable and our lives are not more impacted. I need to remember just how bad things could be, my father was wheelchair bound and lost in a world of hallucinations by his 6^th year post diagnosis, my husband is twice that far along now and showing very minimal cognitive changes. I need to be grateful for where we are because gratitude will lead me to a positive mindset that will allow me to continue in my journey. There are plenty of opportunities for me to be negative, I need to build a positive core based in gratitude for what I do still have and let that be the strength I lean on each and every day.