My husband and I were older when we met and married. We both had histories of failed relationships and carefully considered what we each wanted prior to making a commitment. We discussed our views of what a good relationship could be as talked about individual needs and wants. We envisioned the three different components of a good relationship, emotional, intellectual and physical, as a three-legged stool. Each component needs to be nurtured equally or the relationship topples. We continued our conversations on a regular basis after our marriage to ensure that we stayed on track and our stool was balanced, but we all know what Parkinson’s Disease does to balance, right?

My husband’s illness first came to our attention when he developed a tremor in his left hand. We have always liked to cuddle in bed, but it became impossible for me to lay next to him without getting hit. The physical leg of our stool was definitely taking a hit as well. Medication helped some, but we never really got rid of the tremors until he finally decided to get DBS surgery. Suddenly we were able to cuddle (and more) again.

The emotional and intellectual legs of our stool have not been as deeply impacted; however communication is difficult at times as his voice is quieter and his thought process is slower. Taking the time necessary and making a concerted effort to connect has been key in helping us support those legs of our stool. We dedicate a few minutes every afternoon for each other, we call it our afternoon aperitif, but it’s really more of a check-in.

Parkinson’s Disease is presenting us with more challenges than we expected yet we are still here and we are still together. It was good that we defined the three components of our relationship before his PD diagnosis so we would know what we are fighting for now. The rest is all just happening and we can adapt and accept. Our stool may tilt from time to time but it hasn’t completely toppled and I sincerely believe that we can keep it upright as long as we both keep trying.