It happened again, I lost control over an unimportant situation and grumped at my husband. I know it was wrong, but it happened anyway. It’s difficult always trying to appear calm, especially when I find myself stuffing emotions like anger and frustration. The pressure builds inside me until it feels like an explosion is eminent. If I’m lucky, I recognize what is happening and step away before things blow up. Unfortunately, I am not always lucky and ugly words and feelings burst forth. This release brings a brief respite before I am overwhelmed with feelings of guilt because I know that the person most impacted by my outburst, my husband, is not the one responsible. I am the only one responsible for losing control of my emotions in a stressful moment and I can do better. 

I have participated in stress reduction training and regularly practice yoga yet still things will happen that are going to upset me. It is not possible to go through life without hitting bumps along the way, I just need to make sure that the bumps don’t become mountains. I have an elderly dog who is needing additional care, I live in an older home with things that break, I have a life that brings challenges of its own and my husband has Parkinson’s Disease. I am human, so of course I am going to run into things that make me frustrated or angry. I know how I should react when those feelings come up, I just need to remember to use that knowledge.

Whenever I first feel things going haywire, I need to stop and take a breath. If possible, I need to step away for a moment to determine exactly what is happening and find a healthy way to address the issue. If I can verbalize what I am feeling, perhaps using a nonsensical word in place of the angry ones, it breaks the tension. Once the immediate situation is dealt with, I need to find a different activity to take my mind off whatever was causing the stress in the first place. Finding a task that takes all of my focus clears my mind and allows me to reconnect with my calmer self. I can revisit what happened later and look for a better resolution than losing control which, I know from experience, only makes things worse.