I was out to lunch with friends a while back and the conversation turned to how my husband was doing. one of them turned to me and said, “It must be difficult for you.” How am I supposed to respond to that? Does she really want to know how it feels to see the man I love struggling with the simplest of tasks? Does she really want to know that I am doing things I never thought I would be doing for him because I love him and they need to be done? Does she really need to know how tired I am sometimes or how much I miss the things we used to be able to do together? Will she understand when I burst into tears right here in the restaurant? Instead, I say the words “it’s tough sometimes but I manage” and change the subject.

If I talk to her about how I feel, then those feelings become real and I would rather not have to deal with them. I have learned to accept where we are on our journey and find joy rather than regret. If I dwell on what isn’t, I can’t appreciate what is. And what is matters a lot to me. There is so much we still have and can still do. As to the things I miss, I am thankful that I got to do them in the first place and nothing can take away the wonderful memories I share with my husband.  

So, when those from outside out PD circle ask me how I’m doing they are always going to hear that I am okay and all is fine. I have a loving husband, fantastic memories, a positive support network and a plan for whatever the future brings. It may be tough but I can and will always manage.