My husband recently commented that he felt like an anchor holding me back from doing things I wanted. My immediate reaction was to convince him that it wasn’t true and yet internally I was blaming myself for making him feel that way. What had I said or done to make him feel like he was holding me back? What could I do differently? Then I took a breath and realized that I was trying to fix something that is totally out of my control. I should be aware of what he is going through, and we can have conversations, but his feelings are not something I can change nor do they necessarily indicate I am doing anything wrong.          

I get that he feels a loss over the things we used to do together, I do too. But we are doing other things together. We read the same books and talk about the characters, we work out and enjoy an afternoon aperitif, things we never did pre-PD. There are going to be times when I want to go and do and he doesn’t have the energy, something we are both going to have to learn to accept. Compromise will be key as I give up some of my outside stuff and work to help him understand that he can be okay staying behind sometimes.

As his disease progresses, I will need to be mindful of changes in his personality. Symptoms of Parkinson’s can be anxiety, excessive neediness, even jealousy, things we have never had to deal with before. I hope we don’t have to face these but know it is always possible with his disease. For now, I simply need to assure him that he is not an anchor but instead my tether keeping me grounded as we continue this challenging journey together.