“I statements” are great tools for communication helping both parties in a conversation articulate and clarify their individual positions. It basically forces each person to take a moment and explain their thoughts on a personal level. “I feel ____ when you ________.” This is especially helpful during disputes, and I realized recently that I can use this same principle on an individual basis when having internal conflict or facing challenges.

“I statements” are defined as “a powerful tool to help you express your feelings to someone else without assigning blame or making them feel defensive” on the website Socialself.com. They go on to say it is a way to “show that you’re taking full responsibility for your feelings.” When I am feeling frustrated or challenged in my own life, wouldn’t it be great if I could take a moment and use this same framework to clarify what is bothering me and define everything I am feeling? If I can let go of blame and turn off my own defense mechanisms, I can own my feelings in the moment. Once I understand what is bothering me and how I am feeling, I have a starting point to figure out how to fix it.

I have a lot of difficult feelings thanks to my husband’s diagnosis of Parkinson’s Disease. “I statements” encourage me to stop, figure out what is actually happening, and then articulate my thoughts even if just to myself. “I am sad when my husband’s PD doesn’t allow him to go on walks around the neighborhood with me anymore.” I clearly define and own the loss, I place the blame on his disease where it belongs, and I better understand my feelings so I can work towards finding a resolution.

To see more about “I statements” visit I-Statements: How & When to Use Them (With Examples) (socialself.com).