My ability to help my husband isn’t always limited by what I can do, but what I should do. It would be easy for me to do more for him, but would it be best for either of us? He recently had some dental work done and I found myself stepping up the level of support I was providing while he was recovering. Now that he is better, it is time for me to step back and let him take over again. I need to encourage and allow him to do as much as he can now to preserve his skillset because it is likely there will be a time when he isn’t able to do as much.

There are going to be things that he can’t manage and I have to decide whether I have the capacity and the ability to do them for him. Neither of us want my days to be simply about providing care for him because we understand that could seriously impact our relationship as a couple. When we get nearer to that point, I will look outside for additional help. If we hire someone with the proper training to help both of us along the way it will free me up to be his wife and partner in this journey, not his caregiver and nurse.

I know my tendency is to do it all myself. I am a fixer, I am a carer (is that a word?), I am an overachiever. I am going to have to be realistic about what he should be doing for himself, what I can do for him, and what is best done by a professional. My task is to make sure that my husband receives the best care by discussing his needs with him, setting limits on what I do, and then following through to make sure everything else is covered.