I have been thinking that I would like some quiet time at home, time by myself. The only way that could happen is if my husband were to go out somewhere else. He doesn’t drive, he can’t walk great distances, he doesn’t belong to any groups other than our PD support stuff. He is not comfortable with small talk and doesn’t drink much coffee so going out with a friend is really not a solution. Plus, he has no real desire to go out simply to give me some alone time. He is okay with socializing through his daily exercise classes on Zoom. It works for him; I need to figure out how to make it work for me.

When I decide to create a plan for self-care, I must take my husband’s personality, capabilities, and desires into consideration. In the above scenario, I was struggling to find someone who could take him out so I could have the house to myself. I finally realized that it is not fair to force him to go out simply because I think I need alone time, that’s not self-care, that’s just self-ish.

My self-care needs to support his wellbeing and not become a negative event for either of us. If I take a realistic look at where we are compared to where I think I want to be it may bring a different awareness. How much of what I do is based in actual need and how much is based on my skewed vision of what I think he needs? Adopting a clearer perspective allows me to work with him to create a shared plan that respects both of our needs equally. A plan, of course, that is open to compromise and modifications because his Parkinson’s Disease always has a plan of its own.