There are things that my husband asks me to do that I just hate. It may be that it is something difficult or it may be that I just don’t feel qualified doing it, yet I find myself going ahead anyway. What I recently figured out, with the help of a good therapist, is that when I go ahead and do those things I hate, it can make me resentful. Unfortunately, that resentment expresses itself towards my husband, not the disease that has brought us to this point. That is not fair to him or to me.

I don’t intentionally resent him; it happens without any conscious awareness on my part and can build up over time. The question my therapist asked was, if there are things I hate to do for myself, why on earth would I be doing them for someone else? Why wouldn’t I be looking for alternatives? And there usually are alternatives whether it is trying a different approach, using a different tool or actually hiring someone to do the more complicated things.

There will always be difficult things that I have to do for him and for those things I will need to adjust my attitude. If I take a moment to think about all the things he has done for me, all the things he has brought to my life, even all the things he would be doing for me if the situation were reversed, I can have a more thoughtful and positive approach. As someone recently pointed out, some things I do because I love him, not because I love the task. Love outdoes resentment every time.