My husband and I have the most interesting conversations these days. Words come out of my mouth that make me cringe. I think it would be upsetting if someone followed me around reminding me to “stand up straight” or asking, “did you take your meds?” This doesn’t include our discussions of bodily functions like constipation or all the other gastrointestinal complications of PD. There are times when it can feel like we’re playing tennis rather than communicating. I volley with a comment, he responds and then the ball bounces back and forth with “what did you say?”, “can you speak a little louder?”, “huh?”, before we finally drop the ball entirely and give up.

When I take the time to slow down and listen carefully, we do have meaningful conversations. We both like to read the newspaper and will find things there to discuss. We may read the same books and can talk about the plots or the characters. We talk about challenges we face around the house and brainstorm solutions. But, the key is that I need to be patient and fully engage. His brain still works, but it processes a bit slower. He still speaks, but the networks that control his speech are slower and words can get lost along the way.

There will still be those times when I want to encourage him to have good posture or need to check in to make sure he is following through on self-care, but I do not want to become his nursemaid. And, I want to make sure that those reminders are delivered respectfully and balanced with other topics so that we can continue to connect in ways that don’t involve bodily functions and meds. I fell in love with the man because of his intelligence and wit. Thankfully it’s still there, I just need to allow the time and support for him to share it.