In order to take care of myself I need to be conscientious about finding time for both of these in my day. It’s tough, and some days are better than others, but I need to remember that I cannot care for either of us if I am exhausted. I need to take breaks and I define those as-

Active recovery- those moments when I am still on alert but able to breath a bit and let my husband manage for himself.

This is a term I hear a lot in exercise programs, that time when I am moving at a lower intensity to restore my body and remove toxins that have built up during intense activities. High intensity sessions are similar to when I am helping my husband with a task or perhaps taking care of something that has gone haywire. Stress levels skyrocket. Afterwards, I really need to let go and take a breath to actively recover. I can’t let go completely because I remail on-guard wondering what will happen next, therefore it is active recovery.   

Rest- when I can actually let go of all of the responsibility whether someone else it there to care for him or he is asleep and I know he is safe. 

Rest often means respite, getting completely away. My husband is still able to be alone for short periods of time which gives me opportunities for respite. I can leave him for an hour or two to go to my yoga class or to go for my volunteer job at a local museum. Even then, I keep my phone close by and watch for texts or calls. My best opportunity for rest is at night because, thankfully, he sleeps very well probably better than I do. I might be lying there awake, but knowing where he is and that he is okay releases me from the responsibilities of care.

Taking breaks is at the heart of my self-care program. Carving out more time for myself is challenging, instead I try to recognize and acknowledge the things I am already doing. I don’t have time for more “me” activities in my day, I just need to be more intentional about the ones I am doing. Recovery and rest, I can do this. If not, I will know it is time to ask for help.