I recently asked my husband to help me by applying lotion to my back, an area of dry skin I can never reach. He was more than happy to do it, the process feels good, and it gives us a few moments of reciprocity as he becomes the helper and I am the one needing help. It doesn’t hurt that we do it just before bed when I am only partially dressed. These days I like to find that sense of intimacy and closeness whenever we can.

He often needs my assistance during the day, it is nice that I can return the favor by asking him for help in this task. It has become a nightly treat and is bringing some balance back to our relationship. It also reminds me of earlier times when our relationship was new and he would regularly massage my back (and more) for me. What happened to those times?

As his disease progresses, I will have more opportunities to help him with personal grooming. I am thankful that we have found something he can do for me. Caring for someone with a chronic illness can feel unilateral and directed. Having my husband taking care of my back brings a more bilateral approach and a feeling of shared connectedness. I truly feel more like a CarePartner instead of giver when we are both involved in caring for each other.