I have a hard time remembering that it is not my job to do it all. I see something that might be a challenge for my husband, so I swoop in and take care of it. I take away his opportunities to try to fix things himself. I would hate it if he did that to me. For me to try to be his buffer to the world also sets up an unrealistic set of expectations that I will be there always and that he won’t have to face any difficulties. This is nonsense and needs to stop now.

We had a situation just today. We were out shopping stopping by a drive through on the way home to pick up burgers for lunch. I ordered his without pickles as I always do. When we got home, he set out lunch while I put away our purchases. By the time I joined him he was a third of the way through his sandwich and found a pickle. I picked up the other burger and, sure enough, it was marked no pickle. I think he expected me to swap burgers with him, but instead I just smiled and proceeded to unwrap and eat the other one. It was obvious he had made the mistake and it was time for him to face the consequences. Eating one slice of pickle is not going to hurt anyone.

We all have the right to tackle our own problems, then ask for help should we need it. We all have the right to complain when things are not going the way we had hoped. He complained about the burger, but by the time he realized there was a problem it was too late for a fix. I could have swapped burgers with him but what does that say about me as a CarePartner? When I take care of everything for him, I interfere with his opportunities for responsibility and growth . A good CarePartner is one who doesn’t try to do it all not only because we shouldn’t, but also because we can’t. Instead, we walk alongside the person we love in the hope that together we can make this journey a little bit easier for both of us.