My husband has balance and stamina issues. I decided that he needed a cane to use for outings. I was sure it would be safer and allow him to walk farther. We purchased one together, allowing him to try several and then choose the one he liked best. We brought it home and it sat in a corner for over two weeks before he touched it again. I suggested on several occasions that he might want to use it and even gave him a bad time when we were in public and he didn’t have it with him. I tried handing it to him once or twice as we were getting ready. It was when I gave up and stopped bugging him about it that he actually picked it up and took it on his own. When I gave control back to him, where it really should have been in the first place, he decided to give it a try.

I struggle with trying to make his life easier, even when I don’t really know what that might look like. I want things to go smoothly so I encourage him, perhaps too much, to try assistive devices that I have heard about or that we see other people using. I forget that he needs to be challenged at times so he can keep his skills intact. If everything becomes easy, there is no work involved and his condition will worsen.

I am not going to stop bringing things home that I think might help but I am going to try to step back and give him the space to explore how and when they could be useful. The cane may become something he needs all the time at some point, for now it is simply an aid for when we are going to be walking or standing for long periods of time. After all, he knows better than I do what his capabilities are, how strong he feels each day, and what tools he might need to help him get through.