I used to work with families, particularly families whose children were having difficulties and had become involved in the local Juvenile court system. One piece of advice that I shared often was something I learned as a parent. How we see our children has a serious impact on how they see themselves and can shape their behaviors. I am in no way saying that my husband has entered his second childhood and needs to be treated as such, but what I am trying to say is that this same principle can apply. How I see my husband changes how I treat him and can change how he decides to act in his battle with Parkinson’s Disease.

My husband still showers and gets dressed mostly on his own. Would it be easier and faster if I were there to wash his back and feet? Certainly. I could also be there to help him dry off afterwards. Then I would shave him and brush his teeth and hair for him. Would any of this make a difference in how he looks? That is doubtful. It could, however, make him feel less capable, less competent, more dependent on me. My husband says that he needs to do these things for himself to maintain his skills; I think it also helps him maintain his dignity and independence. The day may come when I have to do more, I don’t want to go there until we absolutely have to.

If I see him as an invalid and treat him as such, he will accept that and become an invalid. I speak from experience; I saw this with my parents. If I see my husband as capable and encourage him to keep on trying, I believe that he will feel positive reinforcement and work harder to fight this disease. I learned long ago that giving too much help can lead to a sense of helplessness. Instead, I strive to provide just the right amount of support and encouragement so my husband can feel he has a partner in this journey, not a nursemaid. I want him to know that I believe he is capable, competent and amazing. Especially, I want him to feel and know that I love him and am proud to be walking alongside him during what is probably the most difficult period of his life.