My husband is an absolutely amazing man, something I may not tell him enough. I watch him struggle daily with PD and wonder how he does it. I wish I could be as strong. On the other hand, that doesn’t mean that he can’t also be a bonehead at times. This disease brings cognitive and physical issues that are outside of his control, and I try hard not to get upset with him about those things. However, when he does things that have nothing to do with his diagnosis and that would have made me angry before Parkinson’s, it’s okay for me to get mad. I first need to make sure that I am differentiating between the two and then, if he is doing something boneheaded, I let him know how I feel. 

Everything he does these days is flavored by PD so it can be difficult to know when I need to be angry with him rather than the disease. However, it is not Mr. Parkinson’s whiskers in the sink after shaving. It is not his disease that leaves dishes in the sink or waits until I have settled down to take a break and then asks me for something. It is him who conveniently forgets he has PD and tries to do something we both know he shouldn’t. These may seem like minor indiscretions, but when added to the pile any of them can be the one thing that breaks me. In those moments, it is okay for me to say something before it becomes too much.

Saying something in anger still needs to be positive for both of us. This is difficult because opening those doors can lead to floodgates. I have to work to temper my upset with humor or love. Sometimes it helps if I show him what he did that bothers me, other times I simply have to give him a look. These are the times when I let down my protective filters. We both let the disease go and become us again, warts and all. Perhaps I need to learn to treasure these moments when there is no PD, just us and it is very real. That just doesn’t happen enough these days.