When my son was young and learning about making decisions, I was taught to only give him a couple of choices and to make sure that both choices were things that were acceptable to me. As my husband’s disease progresses, I see that this same principle may apply for a couple of reasons. First, Parkinson’s Disease slows the processors in my husband’s brain. He struggles when asked to do two things at once and, I would assume comparing and contrasting multiple choices would be just as difficult. My second reason is more selfish, I usually know the outcome I hope to achieve, therefore I just need to present it to him in a way that makes it agreeable to him in the moment.

Let me share an example. We have been talking lately about how important it is for him to get outside and get some fresh air. Yesterday was a sunny afternoon and seemed to be a perfect opportunity. I made the mistake of asking him if he wanted to go for a walk. I could see the “no” in his eyes when I quickly realized my mistake and said instead, “Would you like to go for a walk to the stop sign or do you want to try for the little library today?” We both had a good laugh and then  wound up taking the shorter of the two walks.

PD has taken much of my husband’s control away from him. I want him to still be in charge of as much as is possible and giving him appropriate choices allows for that. Communicating effectively on my part can help him make positive decisions for himself and can alleviate some of the load for us both. Yesterday’s interaction could easily have turned into a disagreement, an argument, or simply a failure where I was disappointed and he didn’t get the exercise we both know he needs. Instead, by revising my initial question, I was able to encourage him to make a positive choice for himself. We were both rewarded with a nice walk in the sun.