I am especially surprised by some of the things I hear coming out of my husband’s mouth. I live with him and have developed my own opinions and perspectives about what is happening; a perspective that I believe is pretty accurate. However, I am still caught unaware sometimes when my husband is talking with his doctors. I found out during his recent Physical Therapy appointment that he is having leg cramps everyday, when did those start? Better still, why hasn’t he mentioned them to me before?

I go to his appointments with the expectation that I might learn something new from the professionals, not from him. We always talk about anything either of us think is important before his appointments to be sure priorities get covered. Then he catches me off-guard by telling the doctor about something totally out of the blue. Maybe that’s why he does it, to see the surprised look on my face? At any rate, it makes me feel like I am not doing my job of CarePartner well enough or I would have known about whatever it is.

Since that PT appointment, I am massaging his right leg before bed to see if we can alleviate some of the cramping. He says that it seems to be helping. His choice to talk with the professional about his aches and pains does not reflect on me, I can only work with what I know and what he decides to share. That is why it is so vital that I am present at all of his appointments. And that I practice my best listening skills so I can really know what is going on beyond what he tells me.