At a recent CarePartner get-together, we were discussing what to do when someone takes a fall and can’t get up. One suggestion was call a neighbor, another was call 911. It was at this point that one of my friends and a former support group leader gave the advice “Give yourself permission to” in this case it was call 911 for help. Sometimes it’s okay to call a neighbor, other times it is best to have a fully trained professional. The important point here is to give yourself permission to assess the situation and make the call you feel is appropriate regardless of what your PwP is saying. 

I think this can be extended beyond emergency situations. There are times when I want to do something and my husband doesn’t agree. I tend to defer to him, especially in issues that involve his care. Something for both of us to remember is that while he knows his capacity in the moment better than me, I can factor in what I have to offer. Our relationship has always been one of joint decision making. That will, unfortunately, need to change as I am tasked with more responsibility. It is time for me to give myself permission to make some of those decisions alone.    

So here goes, my list of permitted activities. I give myself permission to make my own health a priority. I give myself permission to ask for appropriate help when I need it whether it is caring for our home or providing care for my husband, regardless of what he says. I give myself permission to find ways to relax both with my husband and on my own. I give myself permission to grieve the little losses I face everyday as long as I remember to celebrate the victories too. I give myself permission to have a life that includes more than my role as a CarePartner and to know that it’s okay to do that.