This is a tough concept for me. My husband and I married later in life, I was in my 40’s and he in his 50’s. We never had children together, it was always just the two of us. He was, and still is my best friend and for the past two decades we have always done everything together. That is why it is so difficult for me to separate my activities from his needs. I fear that his chronic illness is leading us into an unhealthy co-dependency that will limit both of our lives.

I cannot be his conduit to the world, he needs to be able to communicate and connect with others. Actually, we both need some kind of outside connections and time away from each other could be an important piece of that. So, why do I worry so much when I leave the house and why do I rush to get back? Why do I feel like I need an excuse, a reason to be gone?  Why can’t I just say I need some alone time or time with friends and make it happen? How do I accept that it’s okay to do some things on my own and really know that I shouldn’t feel guilty?

I am struggling with all of these concerns as we begin our search for in-home care. I know that it will be good for both of us to have time apart and yet I am troubled by what that might look like. I don’t know what I am worried about more, that he will hate having someone come in to be with him or that I will. I can’t do it all and I need to stop trying. We are moving on to a different place in our journey that will support and enrich both of our lives and it’s time for me to accept that it’s okay to let that happen.