We had a lot of plans for retirement, some of which I could do alone. I remember dreaming of being able to spend an afternoon shopping, window or otherwise. I enjoy wine tasting and looked forward to visiting some of the local wineries with my husband, but he no longer drinks wine, nor does he drive so this is not an experience we can really share. It would be nice if I could go with friends and not feel like I’m committing a crime. I like to go for walks, again something we did together but can’t anymore. It would be great to have a walking group, but I feel bad at the thought of leaving him at home.

I need to get over my personal feelings of guilt and have an open conversation with my husband. Maybe there are things he would like to be doing that I am keeping him from. I am sure that he would understand my need to be more active outside our home and yet I am afraid to bring it up. Even more importantly, I need to give myself permission to have these thoughts and to find ways to act on them. It is okay for me to want to go out with friends and it can be more often than once a year. It is okay for me to have fun when he is not able to join me as long as I prioritize having fun together when he can.

Opening the doors to additional and separate activities could bring a new perspective to our relationship. I get that his needs have to be considered in any activities we do, but if we can work things out so that he is able to function without me always being part of it, then so much the better. He will be going to the gym with someone else starting in a couple of weeks, maybe this will be the start of a new direction in our lives together?