I often refer to my husband as my “Person with Parkinson’s” as if it is a package deal. I forget that he is a Person foremost and the disease is something that happened to him. Something that was totally unexpected and definitely unwanted. It is as unfair of me to think of him in those terms as it would be for him to identify me as his caregiver, nothing more. We both deserve better.

None of the symptoms he shows reflect intentional behaviors on his part. He cannot help that he is slow, he cannot help that his voice is quiet and muffled, he cannot help that he tires easily or that so much of our lives seem to revolve around his schedule. He did not ask for this disease and the changes it brings, I should never allow myself to blame him for them.

It is very much okay for me to blame this blasted disease and to be angry that it has afflicted us as long as I don’t let that anger impact our relationship because I know he is angry too. It is okay for me to shed tears over what we have lost in the privacy of my space as long as I remember where the source of that sadness lies. It is definitely okay for me to hate this disease and what it is doing to our lives because it gives me an outlet for all my negative energy. Then I can focus all my positive energy on trying to understand, support and love the man I share my life with.