We struggle with this daily. I find things that I think will make our lives easier and give my husband more independence and he refuses to use them. He has a lovely walker that sits in a corner of the living room. We have a shower stool that I use to shave my legs, he hasn’t even tried it out to see if it is the right height. I suggested buying adaptive silverware and he finally agreed to use a soup spoon with meals to minimize spills. He has a cane that he uses when we go out but never in the house regardless of how unsteady he is feeling.

I’m not sure why this bothers me so much nor why this is difficult for him unless it has to do with accepting emotionally that he needs additional help. I should be happy that he wants to be independent and support him in his choices to try to do things without assistance. I want to be here for him in whatever capacity that means. However, when there is something that will make both of our lives just a little bit easier and safer it would be nice if he would consider adding it to his toolbox.

My thought is “I want to give you tools that help you do things better on your own”, his thought seems to be “I am doing okay, leave me be”. Maybe this is a battle I don’t need to take on. My job might be simply to do the research, introduce the tools and have them available. Then I must trust that he knows his physical and emotional condition better than I do and accept that he will seek the help on offer when it is appropriate for him.