I am not comparing my husband to a child, but sometimes it seems like the best options for providing care are things I learned while parenting. Let me share an example. My son was not a napper, and he was very active. I was exhausted every day until I figured out that if I spent an hour or so of intense one on one playtime, he would wear himself out and then I could get him to sleep so I could get a much-needed midday break. It can also work with my husband.

He doesn’t have a huge problem napping, but I have those days when I need a little bit more time for myself. Mental or physical challenges are very tiring for my husband. I know that if I need for him to rest, we can go for a walk, work on a menu plan for the coming week or simply work out together. The activity is good for both of us, and I am usually able to get at least a 20-to-30-minute break.

My husband and I used to talk about how skills we acquired while raising our children were transferrable to working with adults. We laughed at times when we realized we were even using them on each other. Now they have become essential in my role of CarePartner, especially those around finding patience. I don’t want to imply that my husband is childish, far from it. Things just work better when I use clear and concise directions, have interactions that are not overly complicated, hold realistic expectations and remember loving interventions for when things go sideways, because they often do. Most important of all is acknowledging that he is not my child, he is my partner in life. Everything I do must begin with that awareness so I can make sure I am considerate to, and respectful of, the man sometimes hidden behind the disease.