I lost it recently. We were talking about adding another day of care which my husband doesn’t want at this time, and our conversation got heated. I walked away but the issue was unresolved. We were sitting on the couch watching television an hour or two later and it was still bothering me. I turned to him and suddenly started to cry. I felt lost and didn’t know what to do. It seemed at that moment that I could do nothing right.

My husband appeared shocked, and perhaps a bit frightened, but reacted well. He took me in his arms and held me. I was able to express the feelings I was having, that I wished we didn’t need help either, that I really wished we weren’t facing PD, and that I am trying my hardest but nothing seems to be enough. We cuddled on the couch for a while and talked. He assured me that he knew I was doing my best. We decided to take a break from the discussion about adding a day but both came away from the encounter with a different perspective.

I try so hard to keep things in, to not show my frustration, impatience and sometimes even anger. I stuff it away behind a smile and keep on going. I don’t know what was different that evening, but I am glad it was. Having a breakdown, losing control, gave me a chance to clear the air about so many things. It not only gave me a chance to speak freely, it opened the door so my husband could say things he hadn’t shared as well. It was cathartic for me and for our relationship. I don’t anticipate having cryfests on a regular basis, but hope I can find ways to let go more often so that we can connect and truly share in this journey Parkinson’s Disease has chosen for us.