I have written before about hypomimia, the facial masking that comes to many with Parkinson’s Disease. It’s a freezing of the facial muscles that limits movement and can make communication difficult. I realized recently that my husband may not be the only one who struggles with a mask, thanks to his diagnosis I wear one too. Mine is there to tell the world that all is well regardless of how things really are inside. I hide behind a smile, and yes, it definitely limits my ability to communicate.

We went to lunch with a group of old friends yesterday and that mask was firmly in place. They asked how we were doing and I shared a bit but basically told them “everything is fine”. I think that I wanted yesterday to be an escape for both myself and my husband, I wanted to pretend for a few hours that PD didn’t exist and just be with friends from outside that world, people we knew before. I did check in with my husband on a regular basis but otherwise my mask of pretension stayed firmly in place and we had a wonderful visit. Group activities are not the place to take off the mask, I will save that for one on one opportunities. 

I want our friends and family to know what is happening with my husband’s PD, but I also don’t want that to be the only thing they know about us. It can be overwhelming for anyone and we could have spent the entire afternoon simply discussing it. I want them to know us for who we were and who we are now beyond the diagnosis. If that means I sometimes mask my life with a smile, then so be it. Those who know us best will always see beyond it and recognize what’s truly going on.