It happened today. I was rushing between personal appointments when my husband, bless him, needed help with the internet. His Zoom class was going in and out and he wanted my help to fix it. Or maybe I just perceived that he wanted my help, at any rate I had 10 minutes to get ready for my next appointment and didn’t have any time for him. So, I said “No, I can’t help you with that right now. If you can’t get it to work, you may have to skip it today.” Yep, I put my own stuff ahead of his and  held to it. Even better, the world didn’t come to an end and he was able to finally figure it out for himself.

What I found most interesting was that it seemed to bother me more than it bothered him that I couldn’t help. I am not good at saying “no” when people ask me for help, it makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. However, I am now in a situation where if I don’t learn to say “no” sometimes, I never get anything done. Beyond that, I need to learn to let go of the guilt around saying “no” because it means I am saying “yes” to something else that is just as important.

Self-care matters. In the example I shared, I would have missed my own health care appointment had I stopped to work on the computer. I actually considered it for about 30 seconds before I came to my senses and did the right thing. It’s okay to say “no” as long as I know when to say it and don’t overuse it. As long as I am careful to make sure that I say “Yes” when it truly matters, we’ll do just fine.