Compromise seems to be my password these days. What I “should do” and what I “can do” aren’t always the same. I find myself choosing between best practices in caring for my husband and what works for us. Let me explain. I know that a good diet for my husband’s Parkinson’s would include lots of fresh fruits and leafy green vegetables, chicken, fish and little dairy. We love our red meat, we love our ice cream, we love our cheeses. I try to create menu plans that include healthier ingredients, but what we like to eat matters because if we don’t like it, we won’t eat it.

Another compromise involves stepping back and encouraging him to do things for himself. I know that he needs to do as much as possible yet I often find myself pitching in to hurry things along, even where he is probably still capable of doing it on his own. I started helping him with his shoes and socks and now I’m helping him get dressed every morning whether he needs me or not. It’s just easier and it moves our morning chores along. But, am I cheating him out of opportunities to practice his skills? What will happen if I’m not available? Will he sit around in his pajamas all day waiting for someone else to help him, because I’ve convinced him that he can’t do it himself?

I have decided that figuring out what best practices looks like for us may mean letting go and/or modifying some of the accepted recommendations. It may mean understanding what we really need to live well with PD versus what someone may say we need. It may also mean having conversations with my husband to make sure that what I am doing are the right things for us. We are the ones living this life after all; perhaps it’s time to trust our own judgement. And acknowledge that I am always trying to do my best in the moment, whatever that looks like.