I was recently reminded that no matter how much we may have in common as CarePartners, there will always be differences based on what our loved one’s are experiencing. My husband’s capabilities will always flavor what our lives look like and what we are able to do as a couple. I have been considering scheduling a spring mini-vacation, a few days at the beach. It’s something we have done often in the past and yet this year we may not go. I am at the point of deciding that it may be more work and stress on both of us than it is worth.

I threw this out as a question at a recent support group event and the responses were interesting. One of my friends said that she always books an ADA room but also packs a bed rail and other equipment they might need. Another CarePartner at the table said that they bring extra clothes and toileting supplies. We talked about the challenges of setting up the room to meet the needs of our loved ones and the unexpected challenges that can arise. Things like on-site restaurants that aren’t open for breakfast.

Perhaps it was fate that I stumbled across an article in an issue of our AARP magazine that talked about this very topic. It was written by a gentleman in his early 70’s who had come to the conclusion that maybe, instead of creating a “bucket list” of things to do before we die, it might be better to create an “anti-bucket list” of things we never wanted to do again. His words resonated with me. Why would I drive for 3 hours to stay in a room where we have none of our adaptive tools? Especially since we would spend most of the time looking out at the window at the beach, is it really worth the hassle? I don’t think so, not for us at this point in our journey anyway. And that is okay with me.

The article I mention was published in the December/January issue of AARP, the Magazine. It was written by Stephen Randall and entitled “The Serenity of Saying ‘Never Again’”.