Can he move any slower, can he speak any softer, can he get in my way any more? Wait, is he napping again! Oh my gosh, what now? My brain reacts to what is happening and even though I know I shouldn’t have these unkind thoughts, they come to me anyway. I do my best to keep them inside and not let my husband see any frustration I’m feeling because I know he is always doing his best regardless of how it appears. It may be natural for me to feel frustrated, but it is not healthy for either of us. He needs positive encouragement not negative comments and I need to find the patience to provide it.

I have always tried to fit too much into each hour of my day which usually meant I was moving fast to get things done just on time. My husband was always early with everything whether it was projects he was working on or meetings. We sometimes clashed over time conflicts prior to his diagnosis of Parkinson’s and it definitely hasn’t gotten better. I still try to do too much and slowing down to be present for him can be difficult at times. I catch myself stepping in more every day, even though I know it’s best that he does as much as possible for himself. It’s quicker and easier when I do things myself and harder for me to watch and wait. 

Doing things for him does make things easier in the moment, but it may also shorten our time together in the long run. Maintaining independence and being capable are essential components on my husband’s journey. Finding the strength and patience to stand by and let him be are components of mine. As his CarePartner, I need to shut down the negative messaging in my brain and remember that he’ll ask when he feels he needs an assist. When I start to feel frustrated, I’ll step away, take a deep breath, count to 10 (or 100 as the case may be) and give him the respect and space he deserves to complete the task on his own. It’s the least I can do, which is actually the best.