As my husband’s disease progresses, we look for accommodations that support his changing needs. Often times, I find that these accommodations can be helpful for both of us. Let me share an example. When his tremor became a problem at the dinner table, we found that a spoon worked much better than a fork for many food items. What I realized recently was that if a spoon worked so well for him, why couldn’t I try it too? I now make sure we both have forks and spoons so we can choose whichever is easiest. He isn’t the only one using different utensils and we have both cut back on spills by over 90%.

Another way I try to normalize my support involves his mobility. My husband struggles to get in and out of chairs and in and out of the car. When we were first dating, he was a gentleman and would open doors for me, help me with my chair and yes, help me get in and out of the car. Why should it seem out of place for me to return those courtesies now? If I simply do it without making a big scene or deal, no one else should make a big deal of it either.

We each have particular needs and ways of meeting them. If I can help my husband accommodate to meet his needs without making him uncomfortable, then no one else around us should be uncomfortable either. Naturalizing the activities that get us through the day is my way of being respectful while still providing necessary support.