I have been keeping a journal for over 5 years now. At first it was a place where I could vent and rail about my husband’s diagnosis. It was a safe place to complain about all the changes we were facing and perhaps, in writing about them, find better ways to cope. Many of those earlier entries were full of anger, frustration, sadness, the losses I was experiencing. It was helpful and kept me from taking out those negative feelings on my husband. What I have discovered since then is that my journal can be so much more than just a relief valve.

I keep all of the journals on my computer which gives me the ability to back and see if there are patterns. Is spring a particularly difficult time for us and why? On the Parkinson’s side, when did my husband take his first fall and how many since then? I can look at entries that have nothing to do with PD, review work we’ve done on the house and see who helped us with it. More recent entries are often about the weather or things happening in the world instead of being full of PD complaints. I am able to track ups and downs in my emotional health which helps me take better care of me. I can look back for times when things were going well on days when I need to remember that good times still exist. 

The longer I keep my journal, the more I value it and feel out of sorts when I don’t take the time to write. It has become my constant companion, a safe, non-judgmental space where I can say anything and everything. Cussing is allowed and grammar doesn’t matter because I am the only one who will ever see these words. If I were to give one piece of advice to my fellow CarePartners, it would be to take time every day to write down your feelings and your thoughts. You won’t know how helpful it is until you try it.