This is Mother’s Day weekend so perhaps that’s why my mother’s been on my mind lately. She was a decent Mom with a couple of challenging daughters and, I’m sure, she always did her best. Once we were grown and out of the house, she became a Parkinson’s CarePartner where set a pretty good example for me, but there were a few things she never shared. The top three that I had to learn for myself are that it’s okay to say “no”; that it’s okay to put myself first; and that it’s okay to ask for help.

I don’t think my mother realized that you could say no to other people, she lived in a community where you helped your neighbors and that was that. And, everyone else’s needs just naturally came ahead of your own. She spent her life caring for others and never put herself first until after my father died. Asking for help was almost impossible for this woman who had always been the helper and she really struggled when faced with things she couldn’t do. I think that’s where my “can-do” attitude comes from, but I have found that it’s not always a good thing.

Teaching myself to slow down and carefully consider my capabilities before saying “yes” to anything new makes saying “no” so much easier. Recognizing that unless I take care of my own needs, I can’t provide good care for my husband is eye opening and means that I must put myself first much of the time. Finally, and this has been the hardest lesson of all, I know I can’t do it all and must ask for help sometimes.

Being a CarePartner is challenging and has me rethinking some things I’ve been taught all my life. My mother did what she could, now it’s time to be grateful for her lessons as I work to make my own path. The one principle that she shared, and that I will always follow, is to do my best in any situation my husband’s diagnosis creates. It’s the least Mom would have expected from me and who doesn’t want to make their mother proud?