I had what I can only call an “angry” day recently. I don’t know what brought it on and, at the time, didn’t know how to change it. What I did know is that I needed to do my best to keep it to myself and not take it out on my husband. Even if the anger might have somehow been related to something he had or hadn’t done, unless I could define what was causing it, I didn’t need to share it with him. Unfortunately, that is easier said than done. The anger inside was constant and flared into every interaction we had. It didn’t involve cruel words or loud voices, but my answers were curt and my mood remained dark for most of that day. My husband recognized it and steered clear of the stormy waters.

Looking back I can see that my anger was probably caused by lack of sleep. I had two or three restless nights leading up to that incident. It was also one of the hottest days of the summer so I wasn’t able to go outside and take a break. We’ve been dealing with extra medical concerns for my husband which always brings added stress. We’re getting ready to do some work on our house, again added stress. There were a lot of potential causes and it all just piled on and had to go somewhere.

Thankfully I recognized my toxicity and was able to keep my distance for most of the day. I was there when my husband needed assistance, otherwise I let him be. I wrote in my journal, which released a bit of the tension, and spent a lot of time reading, isolating myself and allowing the anger to try to work itself out. By the time we went to bed, things had calmed and I was able to get a good night’s sleep. I woke to a fresh spirit, ready to face the new day with a calmer and happier attitude. Angry days will happen, hopefully not too often, and my best approach appears to be to accept and let them work themselves out. My primary role may be CarePartner, but it’s important to give myself the grace to just be human sometimes too.