I wrote recently about a tip I picked up from a Davis Phinney webinar to replace the word guilt in my dialogue with the word regret. Saying that I regret my husband has Parkinson’s Disease and cannot do everything he used to, encourages me to let go of feelings of guilt around the fact that I don’t have the same limitations. It’s been difficult to make the change to my internal dialogues yet I think that it may be helping which makes me wonder, what additional changes could I make?

I think particularly about those words that I hear over and over in my mind. Things like disappointment in myself, frustration, crankiness and random thoughts around my capabilities, meeting personal needs and inadequate self-care. All this negative self-talk is destructive to my well-being. What if I found a way to define my thoughts that was kinder to me and better reflected what I am feeling? As an example, I wonder if instead of worrying about meeting personal needs and self-care, I try being more self-aware in each moment and respond in kind. Having an awareness that certain activities centered on me are necessary as I move through my day, and it’s all okay.

And those other words, getting rid of disappointment could open a chance to look for more realistic expectations. I am already changing capability to capacity because being able to do something doesn’t always mean I should tackle it unless I actually have the time or energy for it. What if I took a minute to redefine the frustration and anger I often feel as bewilderment, why is this happening to us? And that good old crankiness that happens sometimes? Say what it is, I’m usually either hungry or tired, then do something about it.

Determining where those negative feelings about myself are actually coming from can let me short circuit those signals. I am always doing my best in this role of CarePartner and I need to acknowledge that even when I am only talking to myself.