I always thought that the reason I need to go to medical appointments with my husband was to share my perspective with his doctors. I wanted to make sure they were getting a full picture of his symptoms. I realized recently that it also is a way for me to keep up with where he is on his journey because they know the right questions to ask and he often tells them things he hasn’t mentioned to me. I think he doesn’t always tell me everything about what is going on with him because he doesn’t want to add to my worries. It is not at all unusual for me to learn something new during visits with his medical team.

It used to upset me. How on earth could I help him with challenges that I didn’t know about? I realized that maybe he didn’t want or need me to fix those things, instead he wanted to try to take care of them himself. I have a tendency to jump in with both feet and start making suggestions, looking for interventions that might help. I sometimes forget that this is his battle to fight, not mine. I must remember that he needs to be the one to determine when and where he needs assistance, not me. His first step might be talking to a medical professional and I need to be okay with that.

So, I make sure that I go to all his appointments even if it is simply to listen in on their conversations. I provide input when asked and when it is relevant, but not without first discussing it with my husband. I want to be respectful of the fact that this is his journey, his life, and sometimes that means shutting my mouth and opening my ears. I might just learn something that would help us both with our struggles.