I have written about this in the past, the need to have boundaries so that I am not trying to take on too much. I mentioned boundaries with my husband, boundaries with my family and friends, and even boundaries with myself. It sounds like such a good idea, but how do I put them in place and how on earth do I maintain them when things start going haywire?

I was discussing this with my therapist at our last appointment and she gave me a wonderful tool, a list of 16 actual statements that I can use verbatim when I need to set or enforce a boundary. It starts with “I can’t do that, but I can help you find someone who can” and finishes with a simple “no”. Even if I don’t use the exact phrases, just having them available to review is empowering. When I’m struggling to hold strong, envisioning “I can’t take on additional responsibilities right now” or “I wish I could, but I can’t” is a great reminder that I don’t have to always say “yes”, even to my loved one.

I keep some things posted above my computer and this little list is going to be added. I think it’s going to come in very handy when I am faced with a choice and know what I need to say but don’t have the words. It may seem scripted, but maybe it’s a script I need for those difficult moments.