I used to wonder why my father and then my husband were afflicted with this disease. It’s a typical response, when bad things happen to yourself or people you love you want to know what caused it. I finally came to the realization that knowing why wouldn’t help us get through. I needed to know how we keep on going, what it takes to fight Parkinson’s, and what they might need from me as they try to live life as fully as possible. The why is something researchers can ponder, the how to move forward is what guides my daily activities and gives me purpose on this journey.

The most important thing for me to accept about this diagnosis is that he didn’t do anything intentional to bring it upon us. It is a disease, it happens, there is no blame or shame here. Was it caused by something my husband used while working in orchards as a young man? Maybe, and we can advocate for pesticides to be banned so that no one else will be exposed. It doesn’t change his trajectory. At this point in time, knowing where it came from is not going to change how his symptoms present or define his treatment plan.

It doesn’t matter why we are facing this challenge, it only matters how I respond to it. My focus needs to be on today, where we are on this journey, and what I can do to make it as good as it can be for both of us. My job as his CarePartner is to remain positive or as my husband says, “focus on what we can do, not what we can’t,” and be grateful for every moment that we have together. I have to keep moving forward with purpose and not let myself get lost wondering why it happened. That train of thought takes me nowhere.