Charlie had an episode a while back. He said he was really tired on a Thursday when we went to bed and couldn’t get out of bed the next morning. He didn’t want me to call the doctor but I finally did that afternoon, they never called back. He couldn’t make it from the bed to the bathroom without help. He couldn’t feed himself. He couldn’t roll over in bed, and I wasn’t strong enough to help him. How am I going to provide care for him when I don’t know how?

I wrote those words back in 2017 and they are still true today. I have learned a lot more about his condition but things still happen and I find myself lost. And it seems I am not the only one. He has  been dealing with bowel issues for months now, had been seen at an urgent care facility and by his primary care doctor. She finally referred him to a Colorectal Surgeon who diagnosed an impacted bowel. A suppository and a couple of really crappy days (literally) and we seem to have finally found the solution. Now, how do we keep it from happening again?

It is so frustrating trying to care for my husband when even the medical professionals can’t figure things out. I wish I had a magic wand that I could simply run over his body to discover where the problem is and how to make it better. Instead I do the best I can to keep him comfortable, healthy and happy. There are always going to be complicating factors with this disease and I can’t blame myself for not recognizing them all. I am his Partner in this journey, not his doctor. I can advocate for him, I can love him, I can’t fix everything we face. Accepting that reality is a hard but necessary component of my journey in caring for a loved one with a chronic illness.