According to my Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, diplomacy is defined as “skill in handling affairs without arousing hostility.” It’s the actions and thoughts behind my smile on those really tough days. I could point out all the things that are going wrong but hold my tongue knowing nothing my husband is doing is deliberate, it’s just Parkinson’s. The advantage in this approach is that it actually helps me rethink what’s happening as I work to keep myself in a positive mindset. And it acts to lessen my stress.

A good diplomat knows how to safely and positively negotiate difficult situations. As I get to take over more of the duties around our home, I have opportunities to practice my negotiating skills. My husband and I don’t approach tasks in the same way or on the same schedule. Convincing him that I have things under control even though it’s not the way he would do them is interesting. There are some tasks we can still do together, others that I know I need to do when he is napping or otherwise engaged. Then there are things I do his way to avoid conflict, agreeing simply to avoid aggravation.

Diplomacy particularly comes into play when facing transitions in our journey. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for my husband to feel he’s losing his mobility and independence, yet when it comes to safety there are things that must happen. First it was driving, more recently using a cane and then a walker. My take on using a diplomatic approach throughout these changes meant being respectful and acknowledging his feelings. I did my best to give an honest assessment of where we were and then presented options that allowed him to feel some control in the process. My husband is still able to listen to reason, something I am grateful for each and every day. I think diplomacy looks very different when dealing with PD dementia, but suspect it will be an even more useful tool should we ever reach that stage in our journey.